The Twitter Rebranding Files
This article was originally intended to appear on mabblemedia.com, but was deemed a little too spicy to get published. But here it is.
Elon Musk recently reached out to Mabble Media to inquire about our rebranding services. We’re releasing the transcripts of the conversation between the controversial billionaire and Brandon, our head of sales, to educate our audience on what not to do when undertaking a rebranding campaign.
Me: Hey! This is Brandon with Mabble Media. How can I help you?
Elon: Yes, hi, this is Elon Musk.
Me: Huh?
Elon: It’s Elon Musk, the richest person on earth.
Me: Yeah, I, uh, know who Elon Musk is. I’m just skeptical that he would be calling a creative agency in Reno, Nevada. I feel like I’m talking to an artificial intelligence created to troll people.
Elon: Yes, like I said, this is Elon Musk. Listen, I’m looking to rebrand one of my newest companies, a social media platform. It’s called Twitter, for now. And I see May-bel Media does that stuff.
Me: It’s pronounced Mab-ble. But yeah, we do specialize in rebranding. Don’t you have a marketing team to do this for you, though?
Elon: I fired the marketing department. Plus a lot of other employees quit. The only people left on staff are Gary, our Custodian, and my dog Floki, who is the new CEO. They have a great office culture, so long as Floki doesn’t shit on the carpet. But I need to outsource the rebranding work because Gary is busy filling in for our content moderation team, who are a bunch of quitters too. Or maybe I fired them. I can’t remember.
Me: I see… Well we can’t really help you with your organizational circus, but we can definitely handle your rebranding efforts. What are you envisioning for this new brand?
Elon [in a breathy whisper]: Exxxxsssssss.
Me [shuddering, as if a tongue had slithered through the phone and into his ear]: Why X?
Elon: I think it’s cool, you know? X. It’s mysterious. Bold. Sexy. The change reflects my grand vision for the company. The Twitter name made sense when it was just 140 character messages going back and forth – like birds tweeting – but now you can post almost anything, including several hours of video. In the months to come, we will add comprehensive communications and the ability to conduct your entire financial world. The Twitter name does not make sense in that context, so we must bid adieu to the bird!
Me: Well yeah, rebranding is definitely needed when a company changes its offerings. That’s for sure. But how does X express any of those new services the expanded platform is going to offer?
Elon: How is that not obvious to you? Oh right, you have a regular brain. It’s a very versatile letter, clearly. X, uh, has a co-starring role in tic-tac-toe. It marks the spot. It’s associated with hugs and kisses. It makes writing “Christmas” easier. It does everything. See?
Me: My regular brain is having a hard time understanding. You want to take a globally recognizable brand, one that has impacted elections and revolutionized the way information is shared, one that is warm and welcoming, a symbol of the global townhall, and change it into a generic, bewildering X, a starkly contrasting concept from the brand that has been carefully forged for 15 years?
Elon: That’s correct…
Me [mumbling]: X also represents death. In this case, the death of a tech giant.
Elon: … And not only do I want to rebrand it to X, we’re going to make the change as suddenly as possible. Users will be minding their own business, and then boom! Twitter is gone. It’s X now.
Me: But Twitter’s brand is ingrained in our vernacular, Elon. The word “tweet” even made the dictionary as a verb. What are you going to call X-posts?
Elon: I, uh, I am going to call them… X-posts. That’s my idea now! I thought of it. Like, for example, “Did you see what Elon just X-posted? He’s so funny and cool and attractive without even trying.” That’s a good example of how people will use the term.
Me: Are you sure people are into this rebranding idea? When rebranding, you need to start with your target audience’s needs and perceptions in mind. And then you need to test the rebrand elements thoroughly with them. People aren’t receptive to change, especially sudden changes to brands they’re loyal to. Have you conducted any research with your desired audience?
Elon: I asked Mother. Mother says it’s a good idea.
Me: Elon, you need to listen to those who will actually use the platform, including advertisers. A big misstep when rebranding is alienating your existing followers. And you don’t want your new brand to be confused with other ones.
Elon: Well no one has utilized X as a brand before, so we won’t have to worry about it getting confused.
Me: Did Mother tell you that?
Elon: Maybe.
Me: Countless companies have utilized it in their branding. Like, so many, Elon. You’re going to get sued immediately. You really should check with a trademark attorney before—
Elon: I will just buy the rights to X! People won’t even be able to use the Roman numeral for 10 without getting express written consent from me.
Me: I don’t think that’s how it wor—
Elon: X is mine. Mine! I’m even going to put a big ass blinking X on our corporate headquarters to show that I own the letter.
Me: You might need to check if the city of San Francisco will allow—
Elon: I am above the law! The police can’t do anything about my precious sign.
Me: Okay. Elon, my advice, if you care, would be for you to listen to your audience and think long and hard about how the new brand will be perceived. Test ideas in focus groups. Make necessary adjustments. And try to retain as much of what makes Twitter, Twitter. It would probably be wisest for you to rebrand your parent company and keep the Twitter brand, you know, like Meta and Facebook, or Alphabet and Google. Look to those who have done this before as you move towards the future.
Elon: Nobody has ever done what I’m doing! I am quirky and original!
Me: But this isn’t about you—
Elon: Yes it is! Fine, if you’re going to disagree with me and not help me rebrand then I’m just going to have f%$#ing Gary do it. Soon we shall bid adieu to the twitter brand and, gradually, all the birds.
Me: I assume you mean that you’re getting rid of all the bird icons, and not, like, all the birds of the earth, right?
Elon:
Brandon: RIGHT?!
Elon: [click]
Update since this conversation: Twitter rebranded as X on July 23, 2023. Public response has, predictably, been that of bewilderment and mockery. The X sign was installed on Twitter’s headquarters and immediately removed by San Francisco police, providing a visual representation of the disaster that is Elon’s ill-advised, hasty rebrand. Gary resigned. Floki promptly shat on the carpet.
